I AM IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, BUT I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE.

   I love him and I know he loves me too, he hits me at times, but I think it’s my fault because I provoke him into doing it, I know he’ll change with time because he is not the violent type.  He’s just having a bad day and I need to learn to be more submissive, I already have kids for him and they need their father to be in their life, if I leave him, I don’t know where I am going to start from. He is the only man I have known all my life, he is my rock, who is going to love me if I leave him?  What are my parents going to say, what are my church members going to think of me, what is the society going to say, what am I going to tell my kids when they come of age. Maybe, he needs to hit me every once in a while to bring me to my senses at times.

Please! someone should let me know if there are more excuses some women give to stay in an abusive relationship? Where is your worth as a human being, you have stripped off  all the dignity in your body and soul and given it as a peace-offering to an unappreciative soul (man). Sentenced yourself to a life of misery and hopelessness. Living in denial, day in, day out, has been a way of life for you.

One thing you do not know, is that you are directly or indirectly raising future abusers, by exposing  your sons and daughters to a life of constant abuse from your partner. Your sons will grow up with the impression that  it’s okay to hit a woman, while your daughters will grow up thinking it’s okay for a man to treat them likewise, since their mother was able to stay and endure all the pains and sufferings. They will grow up with a lot of bitterness and hatred in their lives. This, if not checked, ends up becoming a vicious circle, which will  in turn affect the society at large.

  Abuse comes in different forms, this is not known by many, as they think that only the physical aspect of it  amounts to abuse in a relationship. There are many people who walk around miserable, only trying to put up a front before people around them, but deep down they are distressed and depressed, purely out of the fact that they get verbally and mentally abused every single day. This does  not leave any physical scar on the body as a form of evidence, but a mighty scar on the soul which  weighs down the body and troubles the mind. This makes the person feel very inferior and less than human, she thinks of how unworthy she is every single day.

Don’t you think it’s time to make up your mind?  Look at a reflection of yourself in the mirror and say: ” I want to be happy, I can do better, I will not take this anymore, I am better than this, I deserve better, I am beautiful, I should be loved and not hated, I am not a punching bag, my children deserve better, I need to live for myself and my children, I am strong and not a weakling, I can survive without him in my life, I am not perfect so I am prone to make mistakes at times”.

Seek help, seek solution, don’t live a life of denial. Go to counseling with your partner, if above all, you find no remedy, then, it is time to leave in order  to live. Say no to domestic violence, no one deserves to be abused in a relationship, no one has that right to abuse the other.

We should learn to walk away, instead of resulting to abusing each other. let love,  not hatred reign supreme in our hearts. Be a survivor today, rather than end up six feet under.

 

 

24 Replies to “I AM IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, BUT I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE.”

  1. I grew up watching my mum be abused, trying to protect my siblings and to hide from the world what was happening behind closed doors. I was ashamed of how I was being bought up and often didn’t feel good enough against my piers. If only the parents could see the situation through there children’s eyes they would have the courage to stand up and leave.

  2. I always wonder how a man can claim he loves a woman and yet treats her with violence. In my own little knownledge,
    Love is:
    tenderness, forgiveness, understanding, welcoming, accepting to start over and over again with the one you love…
    According to St. Paul,” love is patient and kind; … it is never rude and never seeks its own advantage, … ” 1cor 13: 4-7.
    At times I wonder if a man who raises his hands against a woman deserves to be adressed as a man .
    I pray God helps every woman that suffers any form of violence.

  3. I was in an abusive relationship for four years. If you visit my blog, you’ll find a detailed answer to your question in the post “Why did you stay?” under the “blog” header on the main menu. Nothing you have written here is untrue. The cycle of abuse is real. People in abusive relationships need to find the courage to leave; however: I can tell you from experience that shaming and guilting abuse victims into leaving will never work. If you make them feel guilty, they’ll stay, even if you’re making them feel guilty FOR staying. They need radical acceptance, love, support, and compassion. You’re going about it the wrong way, and I don’t say that to insult you or your blog-just because you seem like you truly do care and I have been there. I know what I’m talking about, and this approach is far too prevalent and far too dangerous. You should focus more on what you wrote in that paragraph on the end. Maybe list the cycle of abuse stats, but not in a judgmental way; remove the “you’re doing this to your kids language.” That’s just my say.

  4. The person who is abusing you is the bad person but you are enduring this thing is the worst part of it. By the way, post is touching but weird to know such has happened.

  5. A person lives in an abusive relationship just in hope that one day he/she will be loved and respected. But waiting lifetime in false hope is like dying each day.Its heart wrenching to say that in my country countless number of women suffer throughout their life with all the verbal abuse and violence, but still are scared to leave the relationship. Hope that this post gives courage and strength to all the women who are facing an abusive relationship.

  6. Abused women have to remember that you are not the person to blame for. You are not responsible for his actions. You need to be strong and think of you and your kids safety. I know that when women love, they give their love 100% and sometimes forget about loving their own-self.

  7. Such a tough and personal topic, every situation is different and what we must do as women is support other women regardless of their choice. The courage to leave will come in the meantime we must help

  8. This is well written..an abusive relationship can have some many negative effect on the lady like depression and other forms of mental health. i would not advice anyone to remain in such relationship

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